Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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