I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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