I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
