my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We named our party play list daddy issues
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
