the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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