the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
