I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
