cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Is it because I queefed?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
