Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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