half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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