She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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