no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
