her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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