i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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