how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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