i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.