I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
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I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
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i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful