My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.