Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"