So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
