I like to think it a success when the cops are called
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
