got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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