I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
