I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
