Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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