the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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