you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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