I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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