I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I need a beard to bite.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
try to milk me bitch
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
