Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
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Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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