I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
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We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
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True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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