I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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