Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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