i think my tv is drunk
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
