she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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