Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
