I wish I could punch you in the face.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
