and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
