Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
