you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
