this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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