I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
