You made me cry and you don't even care
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
