i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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