No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
