I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
