I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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