remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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