Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
