just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
