I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
