All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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