Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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