We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
