My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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