I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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