Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
