Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
