just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
