just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
