woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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