i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
