he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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