He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
