You're so nebulous sometimes
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
