Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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