You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
