yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
