Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
