You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
