I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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