As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
