dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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