Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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