I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
