Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
