My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
