Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
