i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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