Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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