hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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