Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
