I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
