It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You pole danced in your parka.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
