Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Randomize