i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I would fuck him just for his dog
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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