I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
