textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
