K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
