ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize