I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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