you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
