I got chris browned last night
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
